Weight Lifting

Lent has started, and this year I have chosen to be apart of the season. It's basically the 40 days before Easter. You spend the season preparing yourself for the death, burial, and resurrection of Christ. Whatever that looks like for the individual is their business. Meanwhile, I've chosen not to fast from television, chocolate, or get up extra early for devotions like I would've thought in the past. Instead, I've chosen to give up a mentality, a mindset, a dead weight.....an obsession with weight and appearance.
That part of me has taken up too much space in my mind. It has brought about a harsh and critical spirit that at times projects itself upon innocent folks. Its appetite is insatiable and its ways lead to doubt and depletion of the soul. I have made a conscious decision to remove from my life all things that feed this monster. Yet, placing all blame on the media is not the ends nor the means. Once the television is off, the scale is thrown away, the diet tip e-mails are unsubscribed, and I've given all my strength at the gym...my mind is still racing and anxious.
Crazy thing is that I am completely healthy! Never had problems with my blood pressure, sugar levels, cholesterol, thyroid, or whatever. Yeah, genetics can predispose people to certain things, but I don't use that as an excuse EVER!!! Besides, why can't we find genes that predispose us to good things, rather than stuff no one wants and can easily use as a cop-out? Just a thought.
Moreover, this mentality is so draining, and inhibiting of all great things that I could create in the world. While, I sulk about my weight gain from pregnancy, someone is in need of encouragement that could be a matter of life and death for them. Though that may sound drastic, you get my point. I'm so stuck on myself when I hit these little pits that it takes my focus from the bigger picture of my life.
This part of me has to die! If I have made anyone feel less than the gift of God that they are because of my selfish judgments, I do apologize with all of my being. I had no right, and I am being more conscious in hopes that all people who encounter me would feel welcome, appreciated, safe, and your individual self.
I make no apologies for my appearance, weight, or health. If I never lost another pound, dress size, or whatever, I am loved by myself, my husband, my son, and my Manufacturer.
Even when I go home next month, I know the folks who talk about their bodies with such disdain. I won't distance myself from them, but I will NOT participate in such frivolous conversation. I'm going in a different direction where my eye sight will become closer to that of I AM THAT I AM, Yahweh, God. Thought I had chosen this road, rather, it had chosen me. It's time, Evelyn. It's time.
Most often the road to freedom is traversed with fear of the unknown, confusion, anger, revelation, mourning, desire, and dancing. I look forward to dancing.